COMMISSIONER Q & A 2012
Each and every year, the NFL/Bizlax Pool commissioner, Big Electric Biz fields countless questions about the NFL, the Pool, and the multiplicitous facets of his existence. 2012 is no different. The commish recently went through his mailbag and thought he would share some of the queries he’s had tossed his way and what the responses were.
For your information: Big Electric Q & A, 2012
Q: Big Electric, what gives with these replacement officials? It seems to me they’re nothing more than a bunch of blind-bat nincompoops that wouldn’t know how to ref their way out of a wet paper bag. Agree?
A: I completely agree 100%. But the way I see it, we’re simply dealing with a case of “Folks, meet the new boss……. Same as the old boss.”
Q: Commish, don’t you just find it simply amazing that ne’er-do-wells Randy Moss and Terrell Owens are still hanging around in 2012?
A: Absolutely not! There’s nothing amazing about it, and it’s hardly phenomena. In fact there’s a scientific term that describes the staying power of these hanger-ons.
They’re called “Dingle-berries”!
Q: Based on preseason alone, it appears that with the emergence of Russell Wilson (Seattle) and Nick Foles (Philadelphia) added in with the expectation of Andrew Luck and Roberth Griffin III that the 2012 NFL draft may prove to be the year of the quarterback. Do you agree?
A: Of course! Mark it down! Stamp it! No…. Doubt….. About….. It!
In fact, last year I was so shocked that the St Louis Rams failed to get to the Super Bowl after going 4-0 in preseason. I mean there’s sooooo much we can glean from watching just a few games played in August by future insurance salesmen and window-washers.
Q: Big Electric, as a commissioner yourself, do you think NFL boss, Roger Goodell’s punishment of the Saints for Bounty Gate was fair?
A: Well, it depends on how you look at. You either agree that willful intent to injure or maim someone as long as it happens on a gridiron is just “part of the game”….. Or, you’re a little higher on the food chain than Cro-Magnon Man.
Now just because I used to club my women and drag them by their hair to my cave should not be any indication of what I think about the NFL’s ruling in this matter.
Q: Dear Bizlax, how will Peyton Manning be received in Denver ?
A: It’s going to be rough for this kid. It’s never an easy thing for a new QB to replace a living legend in any NFL city. I’m not sure who this Manning guy thinks he is, but I’m certain he’s no Tim Tebow.
Q: Commissioner Electric, it’s been a couple of years now since you last complained about your wife’s spending habits. I take it she’s been a lot less frivolous of late with the funds, no?
A: Actually, we’ve been living large ever since that best-selling book about our previous means of survival at Casa de Electric was written. You’ve probably heard of it: “The Hunger Games.”
Q: Big E, I can’t tell you how excited I am about the upcoming season and my chances at winning beaucoup bucks in the Bizlax Pool. What do you think my chances of cashing in are?
A: Well, I’ll keep your name anonymous for the time being, but my records indicate you’ve yet to send your entry fee in.
I’d say the only thing you have a shot of winning at this point is a free ride to a remote cornfield somewhere where your only company will be a hired hit-man and a box of cannoli’s.
No one gets a free ride!